No Name-Calling.
Avoid Extreme Examples.
Facts Over Feelings.
No Spiraling.
To “spiral” means when debating, say, the best bread to buy for your family, you suddenly attack your spouse with, “How would you know?! You never help with the grocery shopping!” Ouch. Now you’re arguing about who contributes most to the family while bread brands have been forgotten. One minute a food-selection conversation, the next minute hurt feelings. No spiraling. Stay focused, stay on topic.
Know Your Biases.
Oxymoron: “unbiased opinion.” We each have prejudices, usually ones we don’t know we possess. Bias stems from what we’re comfortable with—so am I most comfortable interacting with a certain personality type, race, gender, heritage, or educational background? Do my biases influence my views and how I talk with people? Ascertain, acknowledge, admit, and abolish your prejudices.
Stay With Today.
No one really forgets the past, but we can set the past aside. The moment I depart from the problem/topic at hand to return to last week, last month, or last year, I’m no longer contributing positively to the discussion. At best, I’ve muddled it. At worst, I’ve ended it. It’s best to stay with today. It’s only fair.
Assume Nothing.
Pinpoint The Disagreement.
Listen, Don’t Lecture.
There are many reasons to listen and no reasons to lecture. “Lecture” drips with condescension. When we put ourselves in the lecture mode, we place ourselves in an expert role that rarely goes over well. We want to draw people toward us, not push them away. Humility beats haughtiness every time.
Adapted & Copied from LinkedIn
CALVIN T. RYAN LIBRARY